Lesson 2 Happily Ever After

Let the ramblings commence...

I sit here exhausted. My new schedule is wearing on me. That's a good thing I suppose. But I miss my 2 am writing sessions.

I was talking with a friend about what it took for me to finally get to the point where I could walk away from my marriage. Not guilt-free, that is an impossibility. But walk away feeling confident in the decision. It took me 7.5 years ... my parent's probably gave it 3... 4 max ... but I stuck with it. I don't give up, not easily.

My ramblings aren't about the ending of my marriage ... I will save that for another day. Today, in this moment, the thought occurred to me that Happily Ever After doesn't mean a man and a woman are bound together through marriage and walk off into the sunset. It's not even about marriage or a couple. It's about getting to that place within you that you are happy... after the tumultuous events that have occurred. Confident that no matter what happens you are strong and able to go on. Did you catch that? YOU ARE STRONG, it's not about a "we" or an "us" it's about "YOU."

I was in that place. And it was great. And life threw sticks at me and it threw stones. It threw words ... and regardless of what the song says, they hurt. But I picked myself up dusted off and kept going in a direction I thought was forward. I was in a place of peace, My Peace. Still growing but content. And than I had that peace stolen from me ... little pieces at first and than a chunk here and there.

[ Enter Darkness ]

That's where I was. I won't go into the specifics of the pieces or chunks of Peace that were lost. I could name the Darkness I was in but I couldn't say that My Peace was taken from me. Weird I know but a friend pointed it out. And the moment she named it a little light came on in My Darkness. Yes, My Darkness, it is a place and I have named it. I know it's there and I know it's purpose.

My Peace is not in the place it was, it took a long time to get that amount of peace and quite honestly My Peace was cocky and it was arrogant. Because of this it likely had me take some jumps and leaps when baby steps were in order. But it is in the process of being restored. the foundation never crumbled so I am building from there. Today I am not in My Darkness, as familiar as it is. The door is slightly ajar and I can freely walk in and out of it. That's how I want it to be... open to me, not suffocating me.