Restless Part I

Lately I have felt restless. No real reason, at least no clear one at this point. Change is coming I can feel it in my bones. I only hope I am ready for whatever this change is, be it good or be it my next lesson. Isn't that what everyday really is? A Lesson. A lesson in life, in love, in loss, in hope, in dreams, in failing, in learning, and sometimes the lesson is as simple as stopping to digest and than breathing again.

I don't know where this is going, or why I feel the need to write it. I am not one who is good with words. I am not one who has really discovered anything she is good at. I am mediocre in most ways, a mere average human at best. Purely ordinary to look at by this worlds standards. And I am restless.

I am an unemployed graphic designer, going back to college but with an undeclared major. Yes, I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I am imaginative and creative but those fields aren't in high demand today. I love to read, to learn, to listen to music. If I have passions outside my family and friends those are them.

Reading is my escape to the places I can not physically travel to at the moment, it allowed me to become someone else in some of my darkest days. Learning is an everyday thing for me, lately it's been more about self discovery than about what is in any of my textbooks. Music, ahh sweet music. Music is my air, it is pure to me and clean always there telling me what I want to hear allowing me to feel whatever emotion I need to let out at the moment. Music has never let me down, lied to me, or broken my heart.

I recently described myself as an unfinished piece of art, a canvas with much work left to do. I still think of myself that way .. I suppose I always will.