I finished a post yesterday that I started months ago. Tsk tsk I told myself. Writing this started as a therapeutic exercise. Something I just wanted to do to get the good the bad and the ugly off my chest. But somehow it collected dust recently and there were a few times I should have really used it.
The pre-hiatus post I said:
I need to meet new people. That's what I said. And suddenly within the two weeks since I have said it I have more than a few new social networking friends, on a couple sites. I have a friend telling me she wants to introduce me to someone. And I feel more confident (crazy I just used that word in reference to myself) when I am talking to people. I said it, I put it out there for you Secret believers ... ask and you shall receive. I did this because my bubble is too small. I mainly have these 4 groups 1. Family 2. High School friends 3. College friends and 4. (Former) Work friends. Not that any of them are bad and not that any new person I meet won't fit into one of those categories or that there aren't a (loved) stray or two that aren't categorized. I selfishly admit I want more.
I have since met some amazing new people. And walked a couple rough roads with them too. But sadly I recently discovered that my admittedly selfish need to meet new people hurt some of those dear friends I already had. Well at least I think it did the details are still fuzzy to me.
It started in May. End of quarter craziness on my part. But being a social networking society I found this adorable picture that reminded me of my bestie and I posted it on her page.
This did not go over as expected. Looking back there was no expectation just a picture that reminded me of her. Her response: "Is this your way of saying our friendship is changing or that your moving back to (insert hometown that I escaped from here)". I was shocked b/c it's not what I would have ever imagined. But yes our friendship was changing ... we were changing. She was blessed to be pregnant with her second child. And I was and am in place of change in life and self. Just because change occurs doesn't mean it's bad. Fast-forward a while and we were scheduled to have a garage sale. And that was a disaster. We were both pretty disorganized with it and and my kiddo was off at camp that week. So I took advantage of the day before and went down to a waterpark with another friend, this was told and known. What was a nice day turned horrible when shit hit the fan in my world. *Note people who know me well know that I need to internally process shit before I can externally talk about it. I got a text the night before the sale saying since we hadn't talked all day that the sale wouldn't happen the next day. Ok, sure. I honestly wasn't able to mentally or physically deal with it ... fine. So we had it the following day ... and then it rained. So we packed it up and tried the following day. It was not a success so we decided to try again, more prepared, in a few weeks. Those weeks passed, we had it, but truly no more prepared then the first time.
It was after that that I became slammed with stuff. It was summer so my girlie was around, I was still reeling from my "shit hitting the fan" day, and schoolwork was consuming. I was taking 15 credit hours in a five week quarter. I should also note that my "shit hitting the fan" day was mentally wearing on me. I walked away from a certain social networking site to help free some time and not have some things in my face so to speak. This was also not a secret. So being offline for a few weeks was what I needed. I logged back on and posted a question in a super secret group that a few of us shared. I got a short, curt response which was the opposite of what I expected ... and said so. A week later I noticed no one had posted in there since ... this was strange b/c it was practically used like a chat room for the months before. So I posted again being my silly and sarcastic self "